The Boy With The Thorn In His Side
by living-is-easy-with-eyes-closed
Summary: In the month that he's lived with the Cohen's, there have been changes in Ryan. However, becoming a family takes time. Sandy reflects on the changes in the boy he considers his son, as well as the process of becoming a family. Rated T, just in case.


AN: Hi everyone, this my first O.C. Fic. Yay! Lol. I hope you guys like it. The fic revolves around Sandy (written in second person POV) reflecting about Ryan. It takes place sometime after The Gamble, but before The Escape. I hope you all like this little oneshot. Please review, no flames.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The Boy With The Thorn In His Side

His face is so emotionless and unreadable; it isn't until his eyes lock with yours that you can see the sadness embedded deeply behind the crystalline orbs. When he looks away from you, the feeling is almost worse than the despondency in his eyes. It slithers up your spine and entwines itself in knots around your neck, making it hard to breath, hard to move. And you want to move. You want to reach out to him but the defensive walls he's built up around himself prevent you, they pull you back. He needs your help, he wants your help. But the walls don't just push you away, they pull him in deeper. He watches you out of the corner of his eye; his eyes are blue topaz, like tropic waters, and he's drowning, but you can't seem to swim to save him.

It's only been a month. You know these things take time, but you're frustrated. His face might be composed but his eyes say everything he can't say for himself. With Seth, it's easy. He wears his emotions on his sleeves. His sarcasm is his greatest defense, but his humor comes from you, so you know how to get through to him. He will tell you everything after enough gentle prying. You know how to help him. You're his father, it's your job to help, and you like to help. And he knows that too.

But with Ryan, everything is guesswork. You try all the usual methods, but nothing seems to work. He's proving to be immune to your tricks. And it's frightening. You've dealt with kids like him forever, it seems. You know what his childhood was like even though he hasn't told you that much about his past. You've experienced it a thousand times before with a thousand different kids. The same old stories in different situations. But it's different this time. You can see shadows of yourself in him. His quiet indifference, his distrust, and the softness buried deep under the tough skin; it was you long ago. You've told him bits of your past, an attempt to get him to open up to you. A poor kid from the Bronxs, you're cut from the same deck, really. You want so badly for him to open up to you. Because you know what it's like to be angry. Because you know what it's like to be lonely. Because you know what happened when help found you and how it changed your life. Because you're older and wiser and have seen it all before.

You know why it's so hard for him to trust you. He doesn't know how to depend on anyone. He's had to rely on himself for so long. Part of you wonders if there has ever been parental consistency in his life. Father's in jail; so is his brother. His mother has gone from one abusive relationship to the next, stringing Ryan along for the ride every time. Her drinking, the fighting. And then one day, she's gone and now he's here. In your living room. Sixteen years old with nowhere to go. And you expect him to trust you overnight?

No, not overnight, though you wish it would happen that quickly. The adoption papers have gone through, and legally, he is your son. And you truly love him like a son, even though he's only been a part of your life for a short time. But you know that it will be some time for him to realize that he's really part of a family. That you're not just his lawyer or his guardian. You're his father.

Eventually the tension will dissipate when Kirsten hugs him, or when you clap him on the shoulder. You wonder which is harder for him, the affection or opening up. You know that, despite all things, he is happy here. The first genuine smile you ever saw from him was when he found out he would be staying permanently. It was the first time that you saw more in his eyes than just a pending sadness. There was hope. Something he's never had before. A chance to be better, a chance to learn, a chance to finally be a kid. It's easy to be frustrated about his slow acclimation into the family. But you have to remember that what seems like barely grazing the water's surface is a dive in for Ryan. Each day brings a new battle, but slowly, you can see the changes in him.

The walls are cracking. The bonds are building. He and Seth are inseparable. They have been since the moment they met. They're really becoming brothers right under your eyes. It makes you wonder what his relationship with his own brother is like. Though, you're doubtful that Seth could ever convince Ryan to steal a car. Kirsten loves him. She fought so hard to keep him away, yet she's become so attached to him. She's everything that he wishes his own mother could have been. He wants to do everything to please her, you can see it in his eyes when he looks at her. Your disappointment is his biggest fear. He's finally found a family, and is so scared to mess it up. You love him and no matter what, you will always be there for him. And you know he's beginning to realize it. Setting a house on fire, the night at cotillion; he wonders why you haven't thrown him out yet. His own mother would have. But you're not Dawn, and neither is Kirsten. You swear to yourself that you will be there for him; that he'll never again feel the inconstancy he's known all his life.

He calls out to you from the living room, and you realize you've been standing in front of the open fridge, lost in your thoughts. You quickly shout back, "Coming!" as you grab two cans of soda and close the door. He's looking at you questioningly as you walk toward him, but you act as though you haven't been gone for almost ten minutes. He smiles as you hand him a can. "Thanks." His smile falters briefly and his eyes look unsure as he adds, "For everything". Your heart clenches, because you know that he doesn't realize that you are the lucky one. He' a great kid, and you're glad that you have him. You can't fathom Dawn's abandonment. You can't imagine not having him in your life.

You smile lightly. "No, thank you." He looks down, making his bangs fall into his eyes, but you see the smile on his face despite his attempts to hide his emotions. As you sit down next to him, you ruffle his hair, making him look back up at you with a grin. You put your feet up on the coffee table and lean back into the couch, picking up the remote. "So what are we watching?" he asks as he follows your lead and puts his feet up and relaxes into the couch. "Monty Python and the Holy Grail." You smile as you hit play, "It was my favorite movie when I was your age."

The movie starts and out of the corner of your eyes, you watch Ryan watching the movie. It makes you smile to see him relaxed like this; there's no tension in his shoulders like there was last week when Seth had you all watch The Hulk. And you realize the progress he's made, and you couldn't be happier. He'll know more of this, you vow. Because he is just a kid and he should be worrying about what movie he's going to watch next, and not about where he's going to live if things don't work out. Another crack in the wall. You know that greater battles wait in the future for Ryan. He's still got a few more weeks of summer. Soon school will start, and you know that there will be placement tests and a totally different atmosphere than he's used to. But for now, you're content to just sit there with him and watch a movie. And you know that he's probably thinking the same thing.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

AN: Hope you enjoyed it. Please remember to review, no flames. :)


End file.
